Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Dear first time mom...

Dear first time mom to be,
I wanted to write you a letter and let you know some things. Right about now your probably feeling all sorts of emotions, mostly excited. Your probably laying in bed feeling your little miracle kick and the thought of their face and them being placed in your arms is all you dream about. Visioning how perfect they are and how everything is going to be once they are here. I was there once, not very long ago. I remember the excitement and anxiety of wanting my precious daughter to just be here. Knowing she's safe in my arms picturing rainbows and butterflies. But there were some things people forget to tell me and maybe you too. Some things that are real and hard and things that most moms go through but everyone forgets to mention. First off no one tells you how scary it is. How the moment that baby is placed on your chest your their life line. The one who keeps them alive and who they solely depend on day in and day out. No on tells you the emotions your going to feel, they only mention the good ones. But the bad are there too. And it's OK. It's ok to feel scared and nervous. Your going to feel completely lost and that's ok too. You will find yourself again. You will find a brand new self that in the end is better, I promise. Your going to cry... a lot. It's completely normal. Even when it feels the furthest thing from normal to break down and cry every couple hours, let it out. You may not know why your crying but it's ok because you need to cry and get it out. You going to get very very little sleep. And your going to need lots of coffee and caffeine to help you survive those extremely long tiring nights. Your going to be scared to sleep. Your going to watch your child sleep for hours making sure they haven't stopped breathing. I promise you won't always do this. It does get better but there isn't a mom out there that isn't guilty of watching their child sleep in fear or them stopping breathing. Your going to bleed, a lot. It sucks. On top of being tired and sore and nervous and anxious the bleeding just adds the icing on top. You'll go to stand up and you will feel a gush, or if you laugh it ends up down your legs. It will happen. Adult Diapers are your friend, especially with ice. Driving with a newborn is scary. It may take a while to feel comfortable with a little life in the car. No one tells you that most of the first month you may feel out of body. There is no other way to describe it. It's weird and uncomfortable but I promise that too doesn't last. No one tells you how the first bath is awkward. That this tiny squirmy little baby will make you so incredibly nervous to wash. No one tells you how showers are a special treat and they happen very far and few between these days. It's normal, thankfully babies don't mind. You may forget to brush your hair or your teeth until bedtime. We've all been there. Your going to be terrified the first time your husband leaves you to go to work. You will survive I promise! Baby wearing is your friend!  Having both hands to do things is a a luxury and somehow babies become in a sleepy coma for a good chunk of time in those wraps. No one told me how I never would want her out of my sight and it would be hard putting her down. That first month or two was hard. Really really hard. Feeling lost and broken and longing for my old self. But people also don't tell you the incredible amount of love your going to feel. And no matter how many times you try to describe it to anyone else they just won't get it until they have their own. No one tells you how much joy this little life will bring you. How you will forget just how you ever lived without them. That the first time they are placed on your chest your world will stop. Your heart will physically be outside of your body and the emotions are so indescribable! That life without them just doesn't even seem imaginable anymore. No one tells you that you literally can't help but cry happy tears staring at them for hours. That first phase of new motherhood is hard. But it's also so good. Cherish it. Before your baby's fresh smell is gone. Before those wrinkly and peely feet and fingers turn chubby and sticky.  Before their bellies don't look like frogs and their clothes are all too big. Breath in those awkward scary, anxious, emotional days because even though you feel like you will never make it past them you will. And you do. And then you miss them and want them all over again.
A first time mom who's been there.