Friday, July 17, 2015

Seven months ago..

Seven months ago we spent our first night together. Your daddy snoozed away on the couch in the hospital room but I just couldn't take my eyes off of you. I was up for about 48 hours at this point but I was so scared I just couldn't sleep. I watched your eyes flutter and your chest go up and down. I stared at every detail, tracing your face with my finger. I couldn't believe you were mine and you were here. I couldn't believe we created something so perfect. I couldn't believe after all this time wanting you and praying for you I was so scared. I felt so nervous and anxious and I just wanted it all to go away. I didn't know you well then. I didn't know your cries, I didn't know your personality or just who you were yet but I know I loved you. Even when there were times I was so nervous and scared and I ended up questioning if we were really ready for this I loved every last bit of you. I just needed time. Time to learn who you were, time to become a mom, time totally truly become the person you have made me to be. 7 months ago tonight you showed me what unconditional love was. You showed me how to love something so much even when I didn't know you at all. You showed me it takes time and it's ok to feel like you fail and there is no such thing as a perfect mom. But I learned I'm perfect for you. God chose me to be your mommy for a reason. Were a team. We've had seven months to learn how to be a team and we make the best. I know your cries, I know your personality that's growing daily, I know that you like to fall asleep snuggled with a blanket by your face, i know that your an observer. You always take everything in. I know that you prefer food over a bottle unless it's time to sleep. I know that if your sad a bath will make you feel better. I know that your face lights up when daddy walks in the door from work. I know if we sit too long you get bored so we are always moving around. These little things didn't come that first night in the hospital because I didn't know you. But I've learned and I'm constantly learning. I can't believe seven whole months have gone by. You will never understand how you have changed my heart baby girl. I'm thankful for our growth. I'm thankful that you don't know any better and you gave me time to learn how to be your mom. And I'm thankful I've learned there isn't anyone out there who would be better at being your mom then me.